Is the number one destination for online dating with more She was after my father for 40 years! Just over 2 years ago my father had a stroke affecting mobility but not speech. She unplugged her phone because my calling once a day while my father was sick was stressing her out. I have told my dad that I felt she disrespected my mother with what she was doing and his reply was well if thats how you feel. But I feel myself being divided from my dad and a slap in the face to my Mom if there is something going on. He wants to include her in all of our family gatherings and has told me that he expects me to become friends with her. I have struggled with the news of this now fianc for about a month now. I feel so sorry for you. I would make sure to talk about my I know, I stayed single so i never brought that step situation into the lives of my children. I cant begin to write about all that has happened since I posted. She has always identified as the caregiver and may never be ready to give up that role. Then eventually we would relent. Second verse, same as the first. It is an emotional overload for everybody. Except for the fact that it was really hard to communicate with her because she spoke little English. I know that for me there is a desire not to cross my fathers wishes. Since then weve had little positive correspondence and havent seen them for over a year. Over the years, I worked through my grief over the loss of my mother and accepted my fathers marriage. If we do not agree with the decision he has made then he is just going to cut us out completely. My dad feels that since he lost his wife, it is all about his loss; he does not realize this his kids are hurting and while I know he is lonely, his behavior is unacceptable. I flat out told him Im not comfortable with that, and I dont know if Ill ever be. Then he moved a hour away with Marsha for the summer where it is cooler and and they were living in an RV, but them she bought a cabin. Weakness is not an excuse and happiness is not always about ones self. Dear Susan Musselwhite, I hear you and I get it. She is making herself at home. I feel his intimate friend is a traitor to my mother and if I could ever accept her, I would be a traitor to my mother. My husband was witnessing all of this at work but hadnt been told of this new shop until the day before it was due to open. I am also so happy to have found this conversation. I didnt want to but I thought Id try to be nice and meet her. I think the best way to handle it is let Dad stay in his own home along with mom when he does Hospice. She was sick for just a short time. To me that is the ultimate low in character. He always had too much work to do when she wanted to go somewhereto see her grandkids and children. All you will be wanting is for your Mom to still be alive and well and for your Dad to be be with her and for all this never to have happened. First, its important not to view this new person as a replacement for your mother, because she is not now, nor will she ever be. Who does this to a man? I quickly looked at my dad and told him that her body wasnt even cold and she hadnt been cremated yet. Free moment they are on mom's. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. You might find that if she is really messed up over this that she's letting things slide and fall apart. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Support is what you and your family needs. But then again as tough as my father is, I know you wouldnt want to be alone. She is actually very wrinkled even for her age although she is very fit indeed for her age. All I can say is I am so glad that I came across this website. When I moved out for college, my parents relationship began to change. What did he do around the house? I also sent her thinking of you cards in the mail, knowing how she loves to send them to others herself. Its not sure, salt-of-the-earth. John Pete is a spiritual writer, founder of Daily Grief Quotes on Facebook, and was a Certified Grief Counselor for over 10-years . Within weeks of her death a woman who had been a school friend of my mothers who would show up maybe twice a year or say she would visit and then not bother, phoned to offer a shoulder to cry on. Just make sure you give yourself the headspace to actually do it. Generally it's fine, i had this summer. When my sister died, my father filled out all of the paper work on his own, and it definitely made him more depressed. How common. 97,343 The three other suspicious deaths linked to killer Alex Murdaugh and his family My Dad went on a date with a mutual friend of theirs within one month, which I was astounded by. They are still feeling that loss in various degrees. Well, Im just a terrible person. she said (playing the victim to my dad). The day she got rushed to the hospital was the first time I had ever seen my dad cry. I felt completely violated. I cannot access my father without taking on the girlfriend as well. Hes doing it now. She acted as though she got offended over that. My father never married her which does not lessen his commitment to her in any way although he uses it as an excuse for weird behavior. You only get one life; live it and love it to the fullest of your ability, and dont let the hard times break you. I have to tell you that although Britain is a first world country there are many people who see the U.S as a golden ticket. We're looking forward to. We had to ask my dad if he could fit us into his schedule because they are soooo busy doing stuff. I feel like im growing up to fast because of this to ever since it ive been having to cook almost all the meals and everything on top of my homework and sports and friends. Good luck. So much so that even when you spent time alone with him, he wasnt really there in spirit. During this time, his GF proceeded to text and harass me non-stop about loving my dad, wanting to move in with him, and that I was a bitch who needed to get over my mom. You should talk to a local On Thanksgiving they go to her brothers and his wifes house to eat and I assume they go there on Easter as well. WebThe first. Dad and her were married 53 years. On the contrary he thinks that he owes her because she moved and sold her house on retirement to live with him. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I might be the asshole because I left and didnt want to pay what she was losing in state support, and now theyre struggling. She also managed to monopolize every situation with her own drama (example: she lost her license for the vehicular manslaughter 2 days before my wedding and dad and people that were supposed to help me with the wedding ended up driving her around, taking her to hair appts, buying groceries for the out-of-towners dinner at dads house which she never prepared bc she was in court so my mother-in-law had to make it, etc., taking valuable helpers away from me-the bride-who was doing/making everything herself to save money). When they decide to remarry it involves the entire family their children, grandchildren, in-laws. Ive heard there is evil in the world, this is the first person Ive ever met that falls into this category. She might not come or she might take him to her home for several days until she was bored and then drop him back. She is very social and loved the friendships tread lightly and keep your business to yourself and you may find the adult children will come around. Do you know though, that this woman accused me of giving in to my husband though and going to his familys for holiday dinners years ago? I was looking for my mail, and stumbled upon an awkward pairing of items: leopard print undies, and bibles.. She is apparently very religious, and my dad is now, too.. in fact, hes so religious that he doesnt mind going to a church where they dont even speak english they speak Vietnamese. I dont want him to make a huge mistake. I have been excluded from dinners and gatherings and it feels terrible. Your choice. One thing that has changed my perspective over the years is from whom is duty owed. After my mother died seven years ago at 84, my father didnt want to live in their house alone. He read to her every night until she fell asleep. She herself, had to stand by and watch her own father (my grandfather) remarry only six months after my grandmother passed away. After his passing my mom received survived benefits for my two younger sisters whom were He just doesnt mention this womans name to us anymore. And if he has no relationship with you, he has no relationship with them. Margaret "Maggie" Murdaugh and her 22-year-old son Paul were both killed in June 2021. Your father may not recognise the implications of how his actions will impact generations. I feel like my papa is such a difficult and selfish person who doesnt consider the feelings of his children. I was mortified. I gave them space and just pleasent with her thats it. This was after she told me she wrote a poem about her perfect man which included her preferring him to NOT having kids or if he did the would like her and they could be a family and he being financially well off and how once she found my dad she knew it was him. Very sad, Ive kept praying for the strength.just too tired to turn my check again. A relatively straightforward residential eviction lawsuit, through trial, can cost upwards of $5,000. Am I the asshole? My dad now has a girlfriend. Thank you so much for your advice. Well the evening ended, said to my husband on the way home I know where my moms ROLEX watch is he says on the new wife wristOMG I wasnt seeing things, I told my middle sister so the next time we saw them she took a look and yup, I was rightShe is still wearing it to this day and that just makes me sick We have not even gone thru my moms stuff yet. The pain is a part of me now, and it always will be. Christmas came and the woman my dad had been talking to came to visit. It started even before she died! Furthermore, she is talking about how she's going to be alone forever, and none of her friends are widowed, and she isn't sure how she is going to make it without my dad. It is made all the harder for you because you feel this woman is unworthy and the relationship is too soon and too in your face. Loves his convertible and said to my sister that she wanted to take it to go see her daughter Ahh, can you imagine. I told him the only person we would love that way is our mother. I was immediately put off but whatever its his life, right? Now shes struggling financially & its my fault. Proizvodi se mogu koristiti kao dopuna postojeoj terapiji. He wants me to accept his new relationship so bad and I feel like hes shutting me out because Im not really for it. Until I realized that I still had my dad and I dont want to lose my dad if I still have a chance to have my father in my life. I want to also invite you to take some time for yourself. He kept rattling on about being fair to heras if she were entitled to have me consider her my family. The love of our lives died right in front of us, helpless, all our dreams to grow old together, and spend the golden years taking care of each other, see our grandchildren grow up, be with our best friend forever just vanished. The only people that truly understand us are people that have experienced this like us. She isnt bad looking, but still She came to a fundraiser at the ELEMENTARY school that I work at wearing said mini dress and hopped out of my dads raised pickup truck.. have some decency please! Its a lot to handle. I lost my mother unexpectedly over six years ago, when I was 17. I used to just let her say pretty much whatever she wanted, but Ive gotten to a point where if I dont agree with her, I just let her know it. I could have accepted a new relationship for him after a respectful period of time MUCH better than this relationship. I would love to find out how youre doing. Better yet, cook a meal with her. Hope these things give you some things to consider. You get to decide who to reach for to meet your ever-changing needs. Webmoving in with mom after dad died. You focus on taking care of your family and your mother needs to focus on taking care of hers. It doenst matter. Probably not how can she afford anything without a job? WTF? Are you willing to share yours? Alexandra Eitel graduated from the Edmund A. Walsh School of Foreign Service at Georgetown University with a degree in International Affairs, with a focus on China. Whatever it may be, it will do nothing but hold you back from opportunities and moving forward in life. You can petition the court to be named executor. I dont believe that they only developed feelings after my moms death. Plus, I feel like she is somehow trying to get in good with us by buying gifts and donating money to the charity walks that we do in my Moms memory, and it makes me mad that she is pretending to be a family friend or something. I dont think that is asking for much, but I am in a place now, where I think I am going to have to cut him out of my life. I have learned to expect nothing and be greatful if something more is given. We both were happily married for more than 25 years and the unexpected happened to us. The way they gravitate towards any woman friend or family memeber is deeply sad. Up to protect her passing. Maybe Im being childish and selfish but a dying wish for a wife of 42 years should be honored dont you think? The love that you have for your spouse and your children will never change. Grief is confusing and is not the same for everybody, and it is often very hard to talk it through just with your family members. My mom passed away in February & the woman that came knocking at my front door was my moms first cousin. He still craved that companionship and the want to be close to a woman again. Ive really never forgiven her for that either. We had offered to have my Dad live with us and had been planning renovations and adjustments to our home. I suggested talking it out. Now that I find myself in a situation where my husband passed away suddenly in his sleep leaving me to take care of our 2 yr. old son. When I asked him about it, he says, Hes sure that Ellen will most likely give it back to me and my brother when she dies. Im highly doubtful about that. We talk, but are not close. For you need to keep in honor her passing. Now his girlfriend tells him all he wants to hear all while on top of all this being a covert b word only to me, leaving only my dishes (like one) that was mine while doing others, or locking the gate I come in so I have a problem or saying how she hated her own mom, never has she attempted to make me feel better or talk about my mom, I hate her more than anyone Ive ever hated before. Not every person is going to be the right person to help you navigate your pain. My sister and I took my father to hospital yesterday for eye check ups and tests and we were there about 7 hours not including travelling. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Unfortunately, I have not dealt well with the reality of his girlfriend. I met this wonderful man who I could talk very easily about my feelings of loss of my late husband and he could do the same with me. I will never be the mother of my future step-daughters nor do I want to be. What a huge insight on your part, death has made you more understanding and aware, not less. Shes actually a neighbor, and lives in her sisters house, 1 court down from my dad. I have been loving. One thing I have learned, and that many of the above commenters have not yet accepted, is that I cannot predict how I will feel in the future. I was married for 24 years, had a familly and it began to grow. I finally told him after going thru everything with him, that I need time and could not go thru her stuff anymore for awhile, until my sister got here. It has been really helpful to read so many posts, as Ive never talked to anyone in the same situation as myself. I know that not all the persons that come into your families are there for a good reason. If someone close to you ultimately proves to have low death EQ, try not to be disappointed. A year hadnt passed since my mothers death, and already my brother and I had to welcome this woman, her 8-year old daughter, and 4-year old son, into our home every weekend. You think your Dads behavior is bizare. Both sons are married, one lives locally and one is in another state. Eventually I realized that the best way I could support and care for her during the pandemic was to enjoy a daily telephone call. I know she doesnt even know what I am going through, as she was never even a mom.. How can she ever begin to be that for me.. Is it even on her radar? You dont say how old you are Sonia. My mother died suddenly in November 2014. It was exactly how I feel and sadly where I am at. Ive been through a lot in my life that i dont need the added drama. She has posted it on her Facebook, and texted my Dad about it. They were very codependant, but because I grew up with them being that way, it wasnt a big deal to my sister or I. But I do agree the but family thing is just bs. How short-sighted and petty is that? Awesome. Shortly after the funeral, the song came on the radio on my way to work, and I absolutely lost it. Do not live in the same painful place, allow yourself and your family to move on. He hasnt known this woman very long. He wanted companionship. I get that, and its not that I expected him to never get married again or have a relationship with another woman, but it just seemed to happen so quickly for him. And the awkwardness of discussing my mom in front of her is almost unbearable but it is inevitable that my mom is going to come up because my daughter WILL know who her grandmother was. He was 43 years old, and left behind his wife and four children, who, at the time, were 21, 18, 14 and 10 years old. I am glad to see I am not alone. Because, even though my Father-in-law needed someone in his life, someone that made something spark again, and even though shes there to take care of him and take him on the trips hed planned on doing with his wife, my husband and his siblings lost their mother. Since then there has been no contact unless we dropped my father off at her home. I dont really have any answers, just some things that I have pondered along the way the past few months. Everyone is going on with their lives, this hasnt stopped.. online dates have been had by middle daughter, engagement for youngest and motherhood for the oldest all 3 have lives they are still living, and my boyfriend is so happy and proud for all of them, he loves them all. Or call 18665650065 between 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. One night we decided to open a bottle of her favorite wine to toast her memory, and before I knew it my Step-Dad and I were making love on the living while my mother told me all sorts of details about their crummy 38 year long marriage. He sold them took the money. She just seems like she tries too hard. Like I really want to hear that crap!!!!!!! My dad died 18 months ago and Mum has just joined a dating agency. When they first got married people who attended church with them told me that she had my Dad on a leash and that he seems to aimlessly follow her around and do what she wanted. We had a big argument a little over a year ago and hurtful words and letters were exchanged. I even told my mom not to give me anything, because I knew my dad would be awful. Ill never forget Christmas morning, crying in her hospital room together. When my mom died, my biggest sadness was not for myself, but for my dad. It is a conscious choice. Im not talking about holidays or family parties, where of course inclusion is important. Unfortunately my dad (47M) died in result of the pandemic in the end of 2020. Its because i took a picture of us 4 without her and because i have pictures of my mother up in the house and i do that on purpose. Hope all works out for you and that you find some peace. I was still uncomfortable, but slightly more accepting of the situation because (1) a little more time had passed since my mothers death, (2) the new girlfriend was actually my fathers age, and (3) at one point my father had said: Dont worry, she doesnt have any kids!. So, your parent is moving on and has found a new love. My father is volatile and a bully and so guiltily I became relieved when she was about as he did not treat me so badly. She is constantly at my house spending the night for days and even up to a week at a time staying at my house. Heather asks for advice: In November, it will be two years since my mother died after a prolonged illness. Before after a great degree of her death is required, ray magno. I am sickened. My mother passed away on October 30th, 2005, a week before my 17th birthday. Your money and time go to your new family. We can plan and think well know how well react, but life just happens to all of us. He passed away, 'while. It also might be time for your now 18 year old sister to get a part time job to contribute towards the household. The the following year, found out Marsha, Marsha, Marsha and him were dating, when it started I do not know. He makes me smile again! The issue is that I cant spend time with him without his girlfriend and the baby hovering around too. The woman he was dating is a wonderful, genuine respectful woman. True you may carry on regardless of their pain and there is no law which says you cannot but for this failure in good judgement there will be a penalty in the shock and lack of trust that will ensue. I cannot believe how selfish some of these comments are. I will never get over the death of my mom and now I have to factor in that I will also never get over the insensitive nature of my dads behavior towards her memory and of my daughter and my feelings. Im not dating her. I really have no bad feelings for her, I am just hurt and mad at my dad for putting my family and me through this. Now, he is practically living with her. When he moved in with her she did not even have a grab rail put in for the shower. When driving back from hospital the other week he asked who would be taking him back the following day. However . Recently, she took out a stack of cards she had received over the course of the pandemic and told me how she looks at them and rereads them all the time. I question my Dad, he says it is temporary until she finds a condo to buy. If that is not what he wants, the answers are no. Ive tried telling him this, but he just insists that if she isnt part of something, he wont be either. Remember him WITH her - try very hard to remember little things. So I would be at the hospital Day and night, until my Dad and I took shifts. Now, almost 2 years later he has begun dating a woman fairly seriously. Each time I got to the house something else was touched not bathrooms cleaned or floors cleaned or my dads clothes organized, but places my mom had stuff were rearranged. He was diagnosed last year March and just quickly got worse even started losing his memory walking around the house tearing curtains down we even had to hide his car keys he wanted to go to work. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/tips-for-when-your-widowe_b_5942444 A little back story: My mother passed away from ALS about two months ago, and my father passed away when I was eight years old. Hello my. My dad sped up the selling of the house and ended up moving in with his girl friend in May after I graduated. So, as a girlfriend, find a man that does not hurt his own children for the sake of a woman who was never the mother of his children and use the excuse of making him happy, time does not matter, and who cares about the fact that you have impacted in a very negative and damaging way the relationship in a family. He now expects me, his daughter to participate in holidays there. Ive talked to him and my brothers but they dont feel everything or see things as I do. I began to call her around 4pm every day and wed share about our days in lockdown. I feel resentment towards him cause He didnt even contribute at my mothers funeral. Yes. My mother died in 2009. Havent really been able to talk to anybody except for my significant other. At one point he said he was going to end the relationship to make me happy, but I know that isnt the solution either. The getting into my dads house and rearranging personal stuff that is the thing that was worse than the fact that she existed. You have no idea how much it will help. Im not saying she should never move on but at least give it more time and no I dont want to meet your new friend as she puts it and no I dont think I ever will. It made a HUGE difference and was probably the single biggest thing besides time that helped her move on. They do not ask themselves Am I willing to sacrifice the love and trust of my family (by refusing to wait and consider their feelings) for the buzz I am getting from this stranger I barely know and may not end up with? But i'm sorry about him dating is it doesn't mean that void. 2) this new woman existed It is very sad, but after 2 and half years I havent been able to talk to them more than 2 times, they are reluctant to meet me, and I respect their feelings but I dont understand them. Morally, she is culpable for her indifference to my sufferings but he permitted her to behave the way she did and does. If I become estranged when she move on, it will be easier to deal with the death of that parent as we have already parted in the living years. I once joked to a friend that if shelost it completely and killed my sister and I, he would say, shame about the kids. i have come to hate a man I dont know after all. Any comments? Dealing with my loss and almost like dealing with the loss of my father as well cause i feel like i never see him. I told Ellen that since my brother has never married and has no kids that he has no where to go on Thanksgiving. All he talked about was this womans body and how she works out everyday and she is model material. But how much do you put up with before youve had enough? 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. I would have had no problem with their friendship because I didnt want him to be lonely but my mother was a good mother & wife to him for 60 years, raised their 3 children together & helped him run a business for most of those years before retiring together. My father said that shedidnt like crowds (nice to know that my sister and I, our husbands and our two kids- were a crowd), and that they would have a second party. Three months after my mothers passing, it really starts to hit me. I think all the dads that want us to accept them so quickly in our lives should stop and take a minute to think about what it is doing to their children. I find myself totally devastated over this but because I love him very much & understand his loneliness, I now stay silent in how I truly feel. The only place where I feel close to her. They have withdrawn from their father and treat him like if he wasnt related to them, do not answer his calls, messages or emails. accepted her just so long as we acted as if we did. I would NEVER dream of discussing my sex life with him. I told him I was ok with it. Ministers and priests are great resources for the bereaved. Now I struggle with young boys who miss their mother, but desperately crave a mothers embrace. Meanwhile we had actually gotten an apartment sept 25th & moved in that weekend. But it seems that for right now, what makes him feel better is pushing our family apart. He lost his identity when my mom passed. Their response is we are selfish and over-controlling for not allowing them to take the girls. However, as big events come up in our lives, issues come up. And the whole time he was here, he was watching the clock and couldnt wait to leave to get back to her. She was so quiet and boring, nothing like my mom at all. They were awesome and always treat me with great respect. He cant go around the sadness or loneliness he feels. I know inevitably there will be further learnings, low points, and realizations. ET (Eastern Time) Monday to Friday, or between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m. My brother accepted this woman with open arms immediately. I dont know why this hurts us so much. She has already traded his truck & her van in for a brand new van for herself. Anyhow, they are still up and they are still awkward. In your case the perpetrator was your wife so perhaps with work you would learn to trust another again. Unfortunately, due to the selfishness of the woman concerned, my sister and I are the ones looking after my father. My sister feels the relationship started way before we found out about it. In addition, her other sister lives on the same street, across the driveway, from my dad. We were really close to our dad, so obviously his loss is really hard on us, but I keep reminding myself that my dad wouldn't want us to be upset over his death and he would want us to move on and live our lives. In theory, this sounds great, but my dad will never hear anything people have to say if it conflicts with what he wants and feels.