Gottman has found that people who are happily married like each other.1 This probably sounds like an obvious, overly simplistic concept. endobj For sharing your fondness. Its commonly associated with having a crush or puppy love or the honeymoon phase. The limerence phase is usually marked by a near-obsessive infatuation, strong sexual attraction, and an often overwhelming desire for reciprocation. How did you know your spouse was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with? In speaking of one such meeting, the prophet said: What unspeakable delight, and what transports of joy swelled in my bosom, when I took by the hand, on that night, my beloved Emma she that was my wife, even the wife of my youth, and the choice of my heart. Take Mike and Sandy. At the heart of nearly every marriage lies this fundamental belief: that one's partner in marriage is a respectable, likeable person. Ob6zr.ruvh>#>;|zmO?&kE3O-PKP2dbj;
f3n By reviving the positive feelings that still lie deep below, you can vastly improve your marriage. endobj
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oyG0>l(eV]ALv The second level of the Sound Relationship House, Share Fondness and Admiration, represents the foundation for that protection. .\%)(2;7o{b!o3?YA7M|qjwfhR>v3C3t;E> Ellie Lisitsa is a former staff writer at The Gottman Institute and editor for The Gottman Relationship Blog. Such a foundation allows them to better accept each other's flaws and weaknesses with compassion, rather than contempt.2 President James E. Faust once said that marriage "is a relationship that must be rebuilt every day" and indeed we should be striving each day to keep fondness and admiration alive in our marriages.1 The prophets and apostles of the Church have given us much counsel on how to strengthen our fondness and admiration for our spouses, through a few simple acts like forgiving a spouse's flaws, focusing on a spouse's strengths, expressing appreciation, and remembering good times together in the past. Why is it important? The questions on this survey regarding affairs are general by design, due to the sensitive nature of this issue. How was your first year of marriage? Get the latest on relationships, parenting, therapy and more from the experts at The Gottman Institute, Im attracted to your _____ (inside and out).. I can easily list the three things I most admire about my partner. Marriage can be a funny thing. I can easily list the three things I most admire about my partner. Fondness and admiration are crucial to happy relationships. Many poor relationships indeed never end. ~Z
muN The Proclamation reminds us that each of us "is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny". First published in 1988, it's been heralded by Oprah as "the best relationship book EVER .". And the answer to how to stay in love is fondness and admiration. It will be easier to see the good things in your marriage. Fondness and Admiration Questionnaire. Limerence is a lot of fun. When couples can identify and articulate their core values together, they can get a jump start on creating shared meaning, which is at the top of the Sound Relationship House. Lesson #2: Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration. That's how he likes to think of himself - a coach. Fondness and Admiration Questionnaire.
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j7Aw,@Zy}Y Written by Megan Northrup, Research Assistant, and edited by Stephen F. Duncan, Professor, School of Family Life, Brigham Young University. Building trust 9. Each partner completes a questionnaire that gives them specific feedback about their relationship. 0000007923 00000 n
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;lJCL(,TI(c20[,uq2$BI% RpNIusX;J\p,\(0[@VhdxjQB2u-B [Z8(AHNGB9[Vxd;Lk2J-R And to stay together in a happy, healthy relationship we need something else. It is imperative that couples protect themselves from this future. Share Fondness and Admiration The second level of the house is Fondness and Admiration, which is the antidote for con-tempt. Consider some of the scary words in the previous paragraph: involuntary, obsessive, overwhelming, even hope. Admiration to Love, Love to Matrimony: a Russellian Reading of Jane Austen'S Pride and Prejudice; A Review of Emotion Sensing: Categorization Models and Algorithms; Fondness and Admiration Questionnaire Crossing; Happy Self-Surrender and Unhappy Self-Assertion; Dealing with Challenging People; Narcissism, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth As Predictors . Its also pretty dangerous. T F, 17. The following questionnaire is a self-assessment you can take in order to determine the current state of fondness and admiration in your relationship. If youre in a relationship, its a good idea to keep tabs on how things are going! If you notice you're getting defensive when you disagree, it is likely time . 0000001468 00000 n
Ensure that you're spending at least five minutes per day sharing your appreciation, admiration, and fondness for you partner. Being fond of your partner includes the following: When love expires without fondness, we could get a vicious spiral into the four horsemen of the apocalypse and a separation. Make this a discipline and allow it to serve as the foundation for your post-limerence love. Researcher John Gottman calls this a "fondness and admiration system." Gottman has found that people who are happily married like each other. 0000002552 00000 n
She credits the book with saving her relationship with Stedman. Read each statement and circle "T" for True and "F" for False. Nurturing your fondness and admiration is the antidote to contempt, according to Gottman. I can easily tell you why I married my partner. I can easily list the three things I most admire about my partner. 10 or above: This is an area of strength for your marriage. x[YoXqc9v. 1. Of the 20 questions, 10 or higher true answers is good, below 10, not so good. Its also pretty consistent with the time it takes many couples to meet, date, and decide to marry. endobj
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They claim it as one of the strengths of their relationship. 2. Answer the following true false questions: Expressing fondness and admiration for your partner is part of this nurturance. How can you know youre in a happy relationship thats both good for your health and everyone around you? Fondness and admiration are two of the most crucial elements in a rewarding and long-lasting romance. The seven principles for making marriage work. T or F 2. Written by Shelece McAllister, Research Assistant, and edited by Stephen F. Duncan, professor in the School of Family Life, Brigham Young University. %PDF-1.5
After work, Mike likes to come home and relax in front of the TV. And when we do notice, we also tend to accept them and to be confident that we can overcome them. I will often find some way to tell my partner "I love you." T F 4. The idea is to kick-start an habit. Each of you . T F, 11. Fondness and Admiration. SCL-90 9. For an in-depth analysis of your relationship health check out the Gottman Assessment, a virtual relationship evaluation tool for couples. Although liking your partner sounds easy, couples often find themselves stuck in feelings of . 4 0 obj
or belittle him ("Can't you follow a simple request? Its important that couples develop systems of fondness and admiration that last beyond the initial crush. I feel loved and cared for in this relationship. I can easily list the three things I most admire about my partner. masters- hold dialogue, find ways to cope, and engage the conflicts, last when you can stand their issues disasters- in gridlock (two fists in opposition) no compromise, the four horsemen, or emotional disconnection KEY- move from gridlock to dialogue Look at subtext of argument Philosophical concepts- life dream Friendship- basis for good sex, romance, and passion o build awareness of . Love Map Questionnaire (1) By giving honest answer to the following questions, you will get a sense of the quality of your current love maps. endobj
This means: reigniting the compliments for one another; expressing respect and love; reemploying affection; When couples stop expressing fondness and admiration for one another, one or both partners may feel like the love . If this is difficult, try thinking of something positive your spouse has done. T F, 10. Of course its a strength. Fondness and admiration between partners are foundational for lasting healthy relationships. If your fondness and admiration are being chipped away, the route to bringing them back always begins with realizing how valu- Often the warning signs they ignored early on remain as subtle but persistent seeds of contempt, a powerful relationship killer. Fondness and admiration are the perfect antidote to the limerence expiration date and they are the perfect way to keep us focused on the positives. T F, 2. T F, 14. 1 This probably sounds like an obvious, overly simplistic concept. Share Fondness and Admiration Make deposits into the Emotional Bank Account Turn Towards Instead of Away Accept bids for emotional connection The Positive Perspective A positive perspective occurs when the friendship of your marriage is strong Manage Conflict Accept influence from your partner: be open to compromise When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner. No one's perfect, including you and the person you're married to. niuX_C64dPZZ)!?K&
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Because of the positive atmosphere they foster, they are also the perfect antidote to vicious circles andcontempt as well. This is a perfect, sad example of a relationship fully devoid of fondness an admiration: Read the statements below and think whether or not they apply to you. Getting The Love You Want is a stalwart of the self-help genre. In our day to day lives, we should seek to notice our spouses' strengths rather than their weaknesses. It lies in repentance and forgiveness, in expressions of kindness and concern. Its not enough to say Im fond of you. Its important to share why. When limerence expires, couples see the relationship in a more realistic light. Here are a few examples of phrases that you can use to help repair and de-escalate when conversations get tense. Love Notes. T or F 3. Although the holidays are over, we may be still riding the high of a new closeness that developed throughout the season towards our spouse. I often touch or kiss my partner affectionately. 6 0 obj If you . I
P t%K &i|A{ zh8'?4@2 rq%*YZaS&?/o!G/a?sz, The Art and Science of Love Learn valuable, research-based skills to strengthen your relationship at The Art and Science of Love workshop for couples on Valentine's Day weekend in Seattle. T or F 2. Reconnect with the Heart of your most important relationship. )B>hic1!S,Tw pu-!L~P;`J6(9S6<=D\/"FXt],RfNuQ C@b`r~
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r[lQhv Try it now by choosing one of the adjectives above, or think of your own. 3464 I often touch or kiss my partner . But also have their differences. What does fond even mean? T F, 3. Read each statement and circle T for true or F for false., 1. @o5{]W2~{qtnM[nbw]/li1w4]S]}sgG~-G*nXx,Rp+*=K95FQ@$&8RM|:p_jK\O
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5Y>-cSVI|5uR*=eSh7- q-`fl{? Then name situations when your partner recently showed those qualities. =0OeXL~| 6lh0@>71^QB6O".h!oU##!k-Yc%>}0=
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%?)c~M;$k~msr0)IT~d^EdC667 4m$w|`@~|p_'dK^:q~#>v9pl}Xf@.3t2AG3 V06>M76-b[x?yy|QO;;|'7IPr Fondness and Admiration Questionnaire. Appreciation is an expression of one of my personal favorite values: gratitude. Heres an example of appreciation I liked: Coupled with her expression of sincere gratefulness, it makes it a great moment of appreciation and admiration. What things did you have to adjust to as newlyweds? Dr. John Gottman, a leading figure in the marriage therapy field, designed the Fondness & Admiration Questionnaire, which assesses the current level of fondness and admiration that exists in your relationship. Perhaps the most dangerous word, however, is phase. Exercise One includes listing what you appreciate about your partner, Exercise Two involves looking back at the history of your relationship and the .